Hello Everyone,

Hope you’re enjoying the changes around here.  I’ve been upgrading and adding to the site and plan to add more soon.  In the meantime here is a funny Jib Jab video I came across.  Enjoy!

For the past 10 years I’ve been a Dell fanatic. Today I’m done with Dell. They’ve just seen my last dollar.

Back in December I purchased a very nice system from Dell. I ordered online and picked everything very carefully. The day my system was scheduled to ship (two weeks later) I was online all day refreshing the status. Finally at 5:00 the status changed to delayed. I was sad to say the least. I called Dell to investigate. My call was answered 9100 miles away by a gentleman named Brad. Funny, he didn’t sound like a Brad. In my frustration I told Brad that I was so upset for having to wait 2 weeks only for my system to be delayed again that I was considering canceling my order. He put me on hold, came back after 2 minutes and told me he had cancled my order.

So my rollercoaster of overseas excitement began. Three days of piss poor customer service later I was finally getting my Dell system discounted, a virtually free 27″ monitor and $400 in gift certificates ($200 that came with the system originally and $200 additional for my poor Dell experience).

So I get my system, I get my monitor, but I get no gift certificates. I’m so happy that I now need to call customer service regarding my poor customer service. I’m told that my $200 gift card would be sent out but she didn’t see any mention of the other $200. Four days later she finally figures it out and tells me that it will be mailed and that I should expect it in 30 to 40 days. Oh joy!

So I receive an email message with a coupon code for $200. Ok, this doesn’t seem like a gift certificate to me, but whatever.

Yesterday I received two black envelopes from Dell. Oh Joy. Two, Two Hundred Dollar gift certificates. Is it to good to be true? Nope. They’re valid. So thank you Dell. I’m done with you. I can’t wait to get my Brand New Playstation 3, xbox accessories, games and other NON DELL stuff I orderd to deplete my $600 dollars of coupons/gift certificates.

GENERAL

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It’s considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

DINING OUT

1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s OW N truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days, however, if you live alone, deodorant is just a waste of money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman’s jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

DATING (Outside the Family)

1. Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you’re interested: ‘I’ve been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago.’
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say ‘Monday,’ If the latter is the answer, it is the man’s responsibility to get her to school on time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date’s appearance, such as, ‘ya sure don’t sweat much for a fat broad.’

WEDDINGS

1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing t he bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say ‘yes’ to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER

1. A ll the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.

Yes it was.  Seven feet tall and difficult to stand within 10 feet of it.

 

 

 

 

Oh, and here is a Hawian Party picture. 

 

 

Look.  Captain K got a new quad.

to DHUCKABA.NET Mark.